Cried (Limerick)

There was a young woman who cried
"Ich bin doch noch gar nicht soweit!"
[ 4][ 4]Of course, she was German,
[ 4][ 4]her victim was Herman,
of course, it is clear that she lied.

cried


rogathe

Sehr schön! I heart the mixture of German and English!

Übrigens ist der Reim "sowei(d)" und "cried" nur im sächsischen Signalsystem einigermaßen sauber ...

Hi Bernd,

repetitions - if not used as figura etymologica - are not extremely sexy. ;-) I'd therefore change the second of course[ /i] into something more comfortable

Otherwise no nits.

Serge

Hi Serge, thank you for the hint.
Indeed it is a repetition, and I thought about it.
My intention was to use the repetition as idensifier in a parallel structure.

I also tried some other phrases without this duplication but they did not work fine.

I am thinking about the problem.

As far as I see, the last is required as punch line.

I need a synonym for "of course" ...

... thinking ...


There was a young woman who cried
"Ich bin doch noch gar nicht soweit!"
Of course, she was German,
her victim was Herman,
of course, it is clear that she lied.

I think, this works:

There was a young woman who cried
"Ich bin doch noch gar nicht soweit!"
Obviously, she's German,
her victim was Herman,
of course, it is clear that she lied.

There was a young woman who cried
"Ich bin doch noch gar nicht soweit!"
[ 4][ 4]Obviously, she's German,
[ 4][ 4]her victim was Herman,
of course, it is clear that she lied.

hallo bernd,

ich tät sagen: she is obviously ...
Klingt in meinem unmaßgeblichen Ohr runder.

"she's obviously German" like that.


serge

obviously holpert in der Metrik, ansonsten really good.
Anstatt obviously könnte man auch maybe nehmen
GG von Marlene

Lieber Bernd

für

Obviously, she's German,

könntest du

it's obvious, she's German,

nehmen, in meinem Ohr klänge das besser.

Lieber Gruß
Label

Labels Variante klingt auch gut.

S

"... she is obviously"
This does not work, it does not fit the metrum.
"She's obviously" may work, I am not so extremely sure in English phonology.

I use "I'm sure ..." now, this fits the original idee best.

There was a young woman who cried
"Ich bin doch noch gar nicht soweit!"
[ 4][ 4]I'm sure she is German,
[ 4][ 4]her victim was Herman,
of course, it is clear that she lied.

There was a young woman who cried
"Ich bin doch noch gar nicht soweit!"
[ 4][ 4]I'm sure, she is German,
[ 4][ 4]her victim was Herman,
of course, it is clear that she lied.