Welcome to the WHYC!

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Klaus K.

Mitglied
Welcome to the WHYC!

You should be lucky! Because I now became a member of the "We Help You Club", the WHYC, for sure a great honour, you non-believers! Membership calls for sufficient English, so some of you will be able to apply for it. Furthermore sophisticated people only, got that? And I am the head of the English language department now.
And, yes I admit it, the "No Brains Society" kicked me out. I was fired. Don't ask! "Below ground level", they said.- So this here is my new occupation now!

What some call "English", is a kind of ridiculous bullshit they have learned when trying to translate the TV-advertisments.
That's not enough, by far not. Let them try to follow two native speakers - Brits, please - and check them being eager to decode the conversation. What's the issue the two are talking about? Pigeons? Puppets? Prisons?They are speaking too fast? An important word missed? There you are, what a mess!
But you have learned one thing at least by now: Most listeners language skills are far from being adequate. So they better shut up and don't tell the rest of the world "English? No problem! Waiter! Two beers more, please!". Great job, what an impressive order!

What do we do in our club? We discover the lacking capabilities, the poor performances of Mr. and Mrs.Bigmouth. And we name it.
That hurts sometimes. So you feel detected now? Good! Book your next holiday, but stay in your country! That helps, everybody speaks your language, and even humble brains around you don't matter.
See, our objective is to give you just a verbal bang on the ear in order to protect you from laughter behind your back. A honorful task by no means. So you should be greatful, but we know, you are not. The contrary happens.
You feel disgusted, insulted, as your reputation has been brought down to zero. Shrinked down to the size of a dwarf.

You want to improve your language skills and prefer a conversation in "American English"? Well, as you like it.
East coast? New England? Southern States? Be careful!
In Louisiana for instance, you might get confronted with "Cajun", and we are not talking about food-recipes and catfish! It's a preferred language in some remote areas, and it is kind of an ancient French! I have been there and I know what I am talking about!
Yes, they do speak it down there, a strong accent is included, but you have never heard such an american "French" before!

The main problem will be: You have to be able to speak French yourself. Sufficient French. Otherwise you don't have the slightest chance to understand a single word. You speak French? Perfect, then take a trip down memory lane, but do not forget to read your history books first. American history. Anyhow, a great experience is waiting for you, as you are expected to check your "American-English" capabilities.
We are honest. Forget it! Two native speakers from the very south, dealing with a subject you have never heard of before. Give up, just say you are German, be polite and ask them to speak slowly. Don't be a coward! Do it!

Thank God, our We-Help-You-Club has created an alert before!
The bell was ringing, and then there was time enough for you to escape from your language wreck. Don't blame us for the inconvenience if you did not follow our precise hints!

So, you see our club serves a social purpose. And I am now member no. 2, just in case you might ask.
No.1, the founder?
I don't know him, he is an Italian farmer from Sicily. He has got brains, has got ideas for the future of mankind. New members are carefully selected, he told me. We members all work on our own then.
We care for a better life. For everyone. A more convenient life.
An "avoid trouble" life. Without a ridiculous camouflage.

I applied, the farmer agreed, that's all. And we grow, we the WHYC, hopefully. Again a benefit for you. But let someone else decide if you - yes, you - deserve joining us.
Before you start talking nonsense in a foreign language - like the stuff you are just reading here - ask us!
Good sense of humor is required. Got it?
 

Klaus K.

Mitglied
Onivido,
vielen Dank! Ich sollte mich jetzt vielleicht lieber mal mit "spanisch" beschäftigen - du weisst schon -, denn auch da klemmt es gewaltig bei mir!
Mit Gruß, Klaus
 

Neto

Mitglied
It is a very difficult task to help people. Many people don't appreciate help. They rather get annoyed, as to be pleased.
Don't ever help, if you are not asked for.
It is a very difficult task to help people. Many people don't appreciate help. They rather get annoyed,
Don't ever help, if you are not asked for.

I wish you much success with your WHYC
Nice text and interesting idea.
 

Aufschreiber

Mitglied
Quite nice, dear Klaus K.

I suppose the few little glitches happened on purpose. ;o)
As @Neto already said, it's nearly impossible to help people who are firmly convinced of their own capabilities.
This is the reason why I will have to stay a reader, instead of applying for a membership.

Nevertheless, I do wish you every success!

Regards,
Steffen
 

Klaus K.

Mitglied
@ Neto

Völlig richtig - jeder "Karl-Erwin" ist ja heutzutage dermaßen von sich überzeugt, da flutscht das überzogene Selbstbewusstsein ja aus jeder Pore.
Schlechte Zeiten für neue Mitglieder im WHYC, denn Selbsterkenntnis erfordert Rückgrat. - Und "a good sense of humor" ist bei "Karl-Erwin" völlig chancenlos.
Thanks, and let the good times roll! Mit Gruß, Klaus
 

Klaus K.

Mitglied
@ Aufschreiber

Please gimme an idea about "the few little glitches that happened on purpose" ? I am still recovering from that damned disease, you know, suffering from a serious creativity-knockout too.- Thanks, and see you! Klaus
 

Aufschreiber

Mitglied
Dear @Klaus,

here's what I have found:
"You should be lucky!" - "lucky" means to have good luck (be fortunate), while I believe you to mean "happy" - which means "full of joy"?
The "TV-advertisments" are lacking an "e" - because IMHO it's spelled "advertisEment".?
"Most listeners language skills ..." - I would use an apostrophe here, as it is genitive case (singular: listener's, plural: listeners')?
"A honorful task by no means." - Why is it NOT honourable? IMHO it might be better to write "by all means", if 'you' found 'your' doing of some respectability?

But of course these are just some ideas that struck me, reading your great text.

Regards,
Steffen
 



 
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