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Leselupe.de > Fremdsprachiges und MundART (L)
Thank you I and II
Eingestellt am 27. 04. 2018 12:32


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Mia Lila
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Thank you No.1 (To Y)

For making sure, I’m taking care
When I walk on my own
For teaching me to be prepared
and lock the doors at home

For giving me those scary dreams
Since you poured me with fuel
For changing stories so it seems
That I’m the one who’s cruel

For burning me so I could learn
To swallow all my pain
For making sure that I concern
To cut open my vein

For cheating me so I would start
To see what’s fake or real
For breaking me, my bones and heart
So I learned how to heal


Thank you No. 2 (To M)

For staying with me when I felt
That I was all alone
For being honest and heartfelt
When I was tricked and thrown

For making sure that I feel save
Cause you were by my side
For standing tall and being brave
When I needed to hide

For showing me that I am loved
When all I knew was hate
For being kind and nice and soft
When I was all afraid

For telling me I’m beautiful
When I was at my worst
For trying to calm down and lull
When all my feelings burst

For being with me even though
Sometimes we're far apart
No matter where you are or go
You’ll always have my heart

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Schreibfan
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I wonder why I am the first one to comment this beautiful poem. It is very complex and well written. The tenor is ambiguous, I like that.
I have a few suggestions (just to fix the rhythm and the tenses here and there) :

"For making sure that I concerned
to leave by cutting veins"

"For making sure, that I feel safe
cause you are by my side
For standing tall and being brave
when I just need to hide. "

Greetings from Schreibfan
__________________
Guter Geschmack macht sehr einsam (Jan Josef Liefers als Prof. Boerne)

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