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Leselupe.de > Fremdsprachiges und MundART (L)
Thoughts About You
Eingestellt am 02. 08. 2003 11:05


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Dorahn Mavelius
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Thoughts About You

Today the heaven above the city cries,
Raindrops chase down the window.
I look out and sigh,
I think about you.

I want to turn back time three weeks,
As all between us was fine.
I should have listened to my heart,
I am sure, we would talk furthermore.


I know, I was very impatient,
You cannot imagine how much I regret it.
Whatever I said, whatever i did,
It was because I liked you very much.

I miss your voice,
It sounds in my head again and again.
I miss your laughter, but for all:

I miss YOU!



January, 13th, 2003
(c) by Dorahn Mavelius
__________________
Dorahn Mavelius
Storyteller and -writer

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La Noche
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Hi,
This one has the personality and the things I missed in the other poem. And that makes it much better. It is able to reflect an emotion.
I would only change a few tiny things (and these are ONLY suggestions):

l.1: sky instead of heaven

ll.5-6
I wish I could turn back time for three weeks (better rhythm)

When everything was fine

l.8 I am sure we would still be talking

ll.9-10 I know I was impatient
You don't know how much I regret it (rhythm again).

Best regards,
La Noche

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Dorahn Mavelius
Schriftsteller-Lehrling
Registriert: Jul 2003

Werke: 15
Kommentare: 10
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Many thanks for your help.
It is good to know that someone read my poem(s).
My english is in bad shape, my only exercise is emailing with my friends from Texas when we send us season greetings and talk a little about our lifes.
__________________
Dorahn Mavelius
Storyteller and -writer

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Zurück zu:  Fremdsprachiges und MundART (L) Ein neues Thema veröffentlichen.     Antwort veröffentlichen.


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