Thoughts About You

Thoughts About You

Today the heaven above the city cries,
Raindrops chase down the window.
I look out and sigh,
I think about you.

I want to turn back time three weeks,
As all between us was fine.
I should have listened to my heart,
I am sure, we would talk furthermore.


I know, I was very impatient,
You cannot imagine how much I regret it.
Whatever I said, whatever i did,
It was because I liked you very much.

I miss your voice,
It sounds in my head again and again.
I miss your laughter, but for all:

I miss YOU!



January, 13th, 2003
(c) by Dorahn Mavelius
 

La Noche

Mitglied
Hi,
This one has the personality and the things I missed in the other poem. And that makes it much better. It is able to reflect an emotion.
I would only change a few tiny things (and these are ONLY suggestions):

l.1: sky instead of heaven

ll.5-6
I wish I could turn back time for three weeks (better rhythm)

When everything was fine

l.8 I am sure we would still be talking

ll.9-10 I know I was impatient
You don't know how much I regret it (rhythm again).

Best regards,
La Noche
 
Many thanks for your help.
It is good to know that someone read my poem(s). ;)
My english is in bad shape, my only exercise is emailing with my friends from Texas when we send us season greetings and talk a little about our lifes.
 



 
Oben Unten