Phil Trepal
Mitglied
Waters
Eyelids winking. Timidly.
I am coming to consciousness, leaving the cosy silence behind me.
I find myself sitting upright in front of a large expanse of water.
An unknown place. Wiping my eyes to see clearly, trying to
familiarise myself with the new surroundings - the first seconds here
in the remoteness.
It is you and it is me. It’s like a father to his son.
This is the place where you have finally sheltered me.
You took me aside - out there in the vastness, the coast stretching
liny in the immensity. The first few seconds now passed – but I was
immediately, instantly calm.
Here, knees are weak and may buckle and you know that. You are aware
of the needy, of the weaknesses – aware of the small. You are present
here but eyes won’t find your contours, your outlines.
It was you who took me by the hand – then carrying me down the path
to the waterline while I was asleep – putting me in this hiding
place. Here, in the distance, the seclusion. Creating a resting place
for me - now bringing light to the tiredness in my eyes. So that I
can see.
It is a place designed to face the lessons of trust. It is wide and
vast and it is bright and it is a challenge.
But you will not allow this place to hurt me in any way. You will not
allow sorrows to manifest here - while I am trying so hard to adapt
to what you have prepared for me. And I am trying to give in.
For trust.
At first it may feel some kind of leaden and melancholic or even
exhausting. It is the past - claiming you as its own. But there are
at the same time fragments of bliss - and I am holding on to them,
catching them, combining them - preserving them as a whole. As a
completion - while the last clouds are gradually evaporating. Giving
way for a scenic view.
This is the moment when I am lifting my eyes - reaching out for you
in the brightness. Scanning the panorama in order to find you. But
there is no way holding you or keeping you materially, there is now
way pressing you in the mould. No way describing or defining you - it
is like reaching into the air that I breathe. Not in a weird kind of
way - just knowing it is about giving up control.
Silver linings in the expanse drawn by you with passionate care –
veils of scattered clouds cooling down the air from above, preparing
me an environment. The sun and the reflections in the drizzle create
a flickering spectacle - thrown on the indigo sky. Spreading from one
end of the horizon to the other.
This is the place where you have put me in.
I am sensing it strongly and consciously. It is beautiful and unique.
It is creation.
I am adapting - bracing against the breeze that is coming from the
east in a steady gust, feeling the soft mizzle. There is the place
where you brought forth the winds, where you set up your scale to
measure the world and I am letting go with the seconds, loosening the
grip around my mind, trying to give in to a rush of trust.
It is a decision.
Hesitatingly I am surrendering to the fall – letting go of matter, of
the visible. Your hand will be there. I am closing my eyes for long
seconds…
Falling…
Now I am walking along the waterline - the wavy lines. My feet
creating hollows in the sand, heels nestling in the imprints.
I am dipping my toe in the calm water. Drawing a circle, then lines -
wavy again – then slicing a pattern. Almost zigzag. Cutting through
the water while it is trying to heal the wound that I am inflicting
to it. Restoring its wholeness, mending the irritation that I am
causing to its entirety, to its surface.
But it is so complete. And it is held in its measurements, firm and
save.
And for a fraction of a second these patterns were alive - lines
blurred quickly - no one cares about their existence that lasted for
less than a moment – here in this world.
But I want to give them to you. Desperately.
For you they are forever.
Now salty foam has washed in - already covering my toes. Dying off
quickly. Only a soft, airy mass remains on my skin. I let the sand
become heavy until it dries up and flakes off – trickling off my
feet.
Now, socks are wet, almost gone. I am slipping them off, leaving them
here, behind me. Barefooted over the grainy sand. Shells and seaweed
under my feet - as I am starting to run.
Feet rushing freely across the wet swaths of sand - as I am learning
the lesson, as I am ready to return.
My body - firm, carried and tense. I am stroking my stomach, feeling
it, feeling the belly button. My body - created, designed and healed.
Strong the muscles - up and down - blood rushing through the veins,
pulsating. I am feeling an inner strength, a warmth and intimacy.
And I am sensing that you are addressing me.
You know life in its diversity, in its heaviness - like no one else
and you know that it can melt away quickly like a diseased eye. And
you see the disillusionments, chances and decisions, the wavering and
hesitation. The brave paths towards you - here and there rocky - at
the same time lightly and led.
Since you are accepting and compassionate and patient.
My heel shaping the last hollow, the last imprint - as I am preparing
to leave. Pulling the left foot out of the water - drops - sensing
the coldness by the wavy edge. The last footprint is now being
captured - my eye following it closely. Then it is taken - with the
waters into infinity.
For you it is forever
It was my weight deepening this hollow, me. The last one as the water
is flowing.
It was me - so vulnerable.
And it is me who tried to give you the patterns that I cut into the
waters since still I know and I am still certain of the truth as I am
waking up again in reality:
For you - I am forever.
Eyelids winking. Timidly.
I am coming to consciousness, leaving the cosy silence behind me.
I find myself sitting upright in front of a large expanse of water.
An unknown place. Wiping my eyes to see clearly, trying to
familiarise myself with the new surroundings - the first seconds here
in the remoteness.
It is you and it is me. It’s like a father to his son.
This is the place where you have finally sheltered me.
You took me aside - out there in the vastness, the coast stretching
liny in the immensity. The first few seconds now passed – but I was
immediately, instantly calm.
Here, knees are weak and may buckle and you know that. You are aware
of the needy, of the weaknesses – aware of the small. You are present
here but eyes won’t find your contours, your outlines.
It was you who took me by the hand – then carrying me down the path
to the waterline while I was asleep – putting me in this hiding
place. Here, in the distance, the seclusion. Creating a resting place
for me - now bringing light to the tiredness in my eyes. So that I
can see.
It is a place designed to face the lessons of trust. It is wide and
vast and it is bright and it is a challenge.
But you will not allow this place to hurt me in any way. You will not
allow sorrows to manifest here - while I am trying so hard to adapt
to what you have prepared for me. And I am trying to give in.
For trust.
At first it may feel some kind of leaden and melancholic or even
exhausting. It is the past - claiming you as its own. But there are
at the same time fragments of bliss - and I am holding on to them,
catching them, combining them - preserving them as a whole. As a
completion - while the last clouds are gradually evaporating. Giving
way for a scenic view.
This is the moment when I am lifting my eyes - reaching out for you
in the brightness. Scanning the panorama in order to find you. But
there is no way holding you or keeping you materially, there is now
way pressing you in the mould. No way describing or defining you - it
is like reaching into the air that I breathe. Not in a weird kind of
way - just knowing it is about giving up control.
Silver linings in the expanse drawn by you with passionate care –
veils of scattered clouds cooling down the air from above, preparing
me an environment. The sun and the reflections in the drizzle create
a flickering spectacle - thrown on the indigo sky. Spreading from one
end of the horizon to the other.
This is the place where you have put me in.
I am sensing it strongly and consciously. It is beautiful and unique.
It is creation.
I am adapting - bracing against the breeze that is coming from the
east in a steady gust, feeling the soft mizzle. There is the place
where you brought forth the winds, where you set up your scale to
measure the world and I am letting go with the seconds, loosening the
grip around my mind, trying to give in to a rush of trust.
It is a decision.
Hesitatingly I am surrendering to the fall – letting go of matter, of
the visible. Your hand will be there. I am closing my eyes for long
seconds…
Falling…
Now I am walking along the waterline - the wavy lines. My feet
creating hollows in the sand, heels nestling in the imprints.
I am dipping my toe in the calm water. Drawing a circle, then lines -
wavy again – then slicing a pattern. Almost zigzag. Cutting through
the water while it is trying to heal the wound that I am inflicting
to it. Restoring its wholeness, mending the irritation that I am
causing to its entirety, to its surface.
But it is so complete. And it is held in its measurements, firm and
save.
And for a fraction of a second these patterns were alive - lines
blurred quickly - no one cares about their existence that lasted for
less than a moment – here in this world.
But I want to give them to you. Desperately.
For you they are forever.
Now salty foam has washed in - already covering my toes. Dying off
quickly. Only a soft, airy mass remains on my skin. I let the sand
become heavy until it dries up and flakes off – trickling off my
feet.
Now, socks are wet, almost gone. I am slipping them off, leaving them
here, behind me. Barefooted over the grainy sand. Shells and seaweed
under my feet - as I am starting to run.
Feet rushing freely across the wet swaths of sand - as I am learning
the lesson, as I am ready to return.
My body - firm, carried and tense. I am stroking my stomach, feeling
it, feeling the belly button. My body - created, designed and healed.
Strong the muscles - up and down - blood rushing through the veins,
pulsating. I am feeling an inner strength, a warmth and intimacy.
And I am sensing that you are addressing me.
You know life in its diversity, in its heaviness - like no one else
and you know that it can melt away quickly like a diseased eye. And
you see the disillusionments, chances and decisions, the wavering and
hesitation. The brave paths towards you - here and there rocky - at
the same time lightly and led.
Since you are accepting and compassionate and patient.
My heel shaping the last hollow, the last imprint - as I am preparing
to leave. Pulling the left foot out of the water - drops - sensing
the coldness by the wavy edge. The last footprint is now being
captured - my eye following it closely. Then it is taken - with the
waters into infinity.
For you it is forever
It was my weight deepening this hollow, me. The last one as the water
is flowing.
It was me - so vulnerable.
And it is me who tried to give you the patterns that I cut into the
waters since still I know and I am still certain of the truth as I am
waking up again in reality:
For you - I am forever.