Welcome to the WHYC!
You should be lucky! Because I now became a member of the "We Help You Club", the WHYC, for sure a great honour, you non-believers! Membership calls for sufficient English, so some of you will be able to apply for it. Furthermore sophisticated people only, got that? And I am the head of the English language department now.
And, yes I admit it, the "No Brains Society" kicked me out. I was fired. Don't ask! "Below ground level", they said.- So this here is my new occupation now!
What some call "English", is a kind of ridiculous bullshit they have learned when trying to translate the TV-advertisments.
That's not enough, by far not. Let them try to follow two native speakers - Brits, please - and check them being eager to decode the conversation. What's the issue the two are talking about? Pigeons? Puppets? Prisons?They are speaking too fast? An important word missed? There you are, what a mess!
But you have learned one thing at least by now: Most listeners language skills are far from being adequate. So they better shut up and don't tell the rest of the world "English? No problem! Waiter! Two beers more, please!". Great job, what an impressive order!
What do we do in our club? We discover the lacking capabilities, the poor performances of Mr. and Mrs.Bigmouth. And we name it.
That hurts sometimes. So you feel detected now? Good! Book your next holiday, but stay in your country! That helps, everybody speaks your language, and even humble brains around you don't matter.
See, our objective is to give you just a verbal bang on the ear in order to protect you from laughter behind your back. A honorful task by no means. So you should be greatful, but we know, you are not. The contrary happens.
You feel disgusted, insulted, as your reputation has been brought down to zero. Shrinked down to the size of a dwarf.
You want to improve your language skills and prefer a conversation in "American English"? Well, as you like it.
East coast? New England? Southern States? Be careful!
In Louisiana for instance, you might get confronted with "Cajun", and we are not talking about food-recipes and catfish! It's a preferred language in some remote areas, and it is kind of an ancient French! I have been there and I know what I am talking about!
Yes, they do speak it down there, a strong accent is included, but you have never heard such an american "French" before!
The main problem will be: You have to be able to speak French yourself. Sufficient French. Otherwise you don't have the slightest chance to understand a single word. You speak French? Perfect, then take a trip down memory lane, but do not forget to read your history books first. American history. Anyhow, a great experience is waiting for you, as you are expected to check your "American-English" capabilities.
We are honest. Forget it! Two native speakers from the very south, dealing with a subject you have never heard of before. Give up, just say you are German, be polite and ask them to speak slowly. Don't be a coward! Do it!
Thank God, our We-Help-You-Club has created an alert before!
The bell was ringing, and then there was time enough for you to escape from your language wreck. Don't blame us for the inconvenience if you did not follow our precise hints!
So, you see our club serves a social purpose. And I am now member no. 2, just in case you might ask.
No.1, the founder?
I don't know him, he is an Italian farmer from Sicily. He has got brains, has got ideas for the future of mankind. New members are carefully selected, he told me. We members all work on our own then.
We care for a better life. For everyone. A more convenient life.
An "avoid trouble" life. Without a ridiculous camouflage.
I applied, the farmer agreed, that's all. And we grow, we the WHYC, hopefully. Again a benefit for you. But let someone else decide if you - yes, you - deserve joining us.
Before you start talking nonsense in a foreign language - like the stuff you are just reading here - ask us!
Good sense of humor is required. Got it?
You should be lucky! Because I now became a member of the "We Help You Club", the WHYC, for sure a great honour, you non-believers! Membership calls for sufficient English, so some of you will be able to apply for it. Furthermore sophisticated people only, got that? And I am the head of the English language department now.
And, yes I admit it, the "No Brains Society" kicked me out. I was fired. Don't ask! "Below ground level", they said.- So this here is my new occupation now!
What some call "English", is a kind of ridiculous bullshit they have learned when trying to translate the TV-advertisments.
That's not enough, by far not. Let them try to follow two native speakers - Brits, please - and check them being eager to decode the conversation. What's the issue the two are talking about? Pigeons? Puppets? Prisons?They are speaking too fast? An important word missed? There you are, what a mess!
But you have learned one thing at least by now: Most listeners language skills are far from being adequate. So they better shut up and don't tell the rest of the world "English? No problem! Waiter! Two beers more, please!". Great job, what an impressive order!
What do we do in our club? We discover the lacking capabilities, the poor performances of Mr. and Mrs.Bigmouth. And we name it.
That hurts sometimes. So you feel detected now? Good! Book your next holiday, but stay in your country! That helps, everybody speaks your language, and even humble brains around you don't matter.
See, our objective is to give you just a verbal bang on the ear in order to protect you from laughter behind your back. A honorful task by no means. So you should be greatful, but we know, you are not. The contrary happens.
You feel disgusted, insulted, as your reputation has been brought down to zero. Shrinked down to the size of a dwarf.
You want to improve your language skills and prefer a conversation in "American English"? Well, as you like it.
East coast? New England? Southern States? Be careful!
In Louisiana for instance, you might get confronted with "Cajun", and we are not talking about food-recipes and catfish! It's a preferred language in some remote areas, and it is kind of an ancient French! I have been there and I know what I am talking about!
Yes, they do speak it down there, a strong accent is included, but you have never heard such an american "French" before!
The main problem will be: You have to be able to speak French yourself. Sufficient French. Otherwise you don't have the slightest chance to understand a single word. You speak French? Perfect, then take a trip down memory lane, but do not forget to read your history books first. American history. Anyhow, a great experience is waiting for you, as you are expected to check your "American-English" capabilities.
We are honest. Forget it! Two native speakers from the very south, dealing with a subject you have never heard of before. Give up, just say you are German, be polite and ask them to speak slowly. Don't be a coward! Do it!
Thank God, our We-Help-You-Club has created an alert before!
The bell was ringing, and then there was time enough for you to escape from your language wreck. Don't blame us for the inconvenience if you did not follow our precise hints!
So, you see our club serves a social purpose. And I am now member no. 2, just in case you might ask.
No.1, the founder?
I don't know him, he is an Italian farmer from Sicily. He has got brains, has got ideas for the future of mankind. New members are carefully selected, he told me. We members all work on our own then.
We care for a better life. For everyone. A more convenient life.
An "avoid trouble" life. Without a ridiculous camouflage.
I applied, the farmer agreed, that's all. And we grow, we the WHYC, hopefully. Again a benefit for you. But let someone else decide if you - yes, you - deserve joining us.
Before you start talking nonsense in a foreign language - like the stuff you are just reading here - ask us!
Good sense of humor is required. Got it?
